Dedicated to the awesome people in England.

Patient: What do you think I have?
Dr. House: I’m not sure, but I think… A lame job.
Patient: What?
Dr. House: You’re a rat. Insurance company sends you out to check on the quality of medical care.
Patient: That’s ridiculous.
Dr. House: Is it really? ‘Cause you seem a lot more interested in asking questions than answering them. Handwriting on your medical records obviously not a doctor’s ‘cause I can almost read it. And when you went out for a urine sample, I looked in your purse. Found the list of questions you were supposed memorize before you came to the clinic. I was looking for gum.
Patient: You’re an ass.
Dr. House: Put it in your report. I tell you what: I’ll give you 20 bucks if you’ll pretend that I’m not when we leave is room.
Dr. House: [leaving the room with her] Remember, first ice, then heat. If you he any problems, don’t hesitate to call me.
Patient: Thank you, Dr. House!

Dr. House: Key under the mat.
Lucas: There’s no key under the mat.
Dr. House: Oh, right. You need to replace one of your kitchen windows. I helped myself to your wine cellar. I’ll leave a buck on the way out. You’re not right for her.
Lucas: And you are?
Dr. House: Less wrong.
Lucas: Ah.
Dr. House: Then I started thinking… [pauses] What was I saying?
Lucas: You were saying it’s late and…
Dr. House: She invited me. She didn’t know if she should. She was trying to figure out if I really have changed or if I’m just the same old S.O.B. I’ve always been. But she always gave me a chance. 832 chances. And I used up every one of them. 832 is her limit, make a note.
Lucas: How ‘bout a cup of coffee?
Dr. House: I’m pathetic. I don’t deserve her [falls on the couch]
Lucas: Okay okay, all right. Maybe you should crash here. It’s a sofa bed.
Dr. House: I love her.

Dr. House: Julia?
House Sitter: No, I’m the house sitter. They’re in Hawaii for the week. You must be Dr. House. I was told I should offer you a turkey sandwich.

Dr. Thirteen: What’s with the ties?
Dr. House: Makes me look adorably non-threatenin. Party or party hardy?
Dr. Chase: Liver failure would explain all the symptoms. [silence] Party.

Dr. House: Peace in our time. It cost me 45 minutes of clinic duty.
Dr. Wilson: This is a three-hour drive. Have you considered the possibility that this is a fake address?
Dr. House: You think she’d send me to a vacant lot for Thanksgiving dinner?
Dr. Wilson: If she’s smart.
Dr. House: She is. That’s why I ran it through motor vehicles. Good as gold.
Dr. Wilson: This cannot end well.
Dr. House: I don’t want it to end well. You should come as my date. You’re not gonna want to miss this.

Diana: [after a consult] Thank you, doctor, you’ve been wonderful.
Dr. House: As have you, Diana. Be well.
Dr. Cuddy: You’re helping. Voluntarily.
Nurse: He’s done six already.
Dr. House: Figured you might be getting backed up. The holiday season and all.
Dr. Cuddy: So which one of us slipped through the wormhole into an alternate dimension?
Dr. House: I have always loved travel. And paint.
Dr. Cuddy: I know you’re trying to be nice, but I also know you’re doing it because you have an agenda.
Dr. House: Wow. Sexy and smart. Lucas is a lucky guy.
Dr. Cuddy: The question is, is this a bad agenda or a good one? Either you’re trying to screw with me, or you’re trying to show me that you’ve really changed.
Dr. House: So which is it? I’m dying to know.

Hugh Laurie caused a stir among fellow diners at the Ivy in London this week when he arrived sporting the painful looking bruise.

His injury is thought to have been caused by a right hook from a gym sparring partner back in LA.

But Laurie refused to confirm that yesterday. When asked to offer an alternative explanation, he told the Mail:

‘I walked into a door’, adding: ‘No, I mean I got hit by an owl’.

Source: ONTD